Applied Conversational Rhetoric

English majors become English majors for a variety of reasons. Some love stories, some love the act of reading, some love to write, and some simply love beautiful language. While I kind of like most of those things, none of them made me want to become an English major. I became an English major because I love thinking about how language accomplishes things.

Early in my undergraduate career I took an amazing course in literary theory from a professor I loved. In that course we focused heavily on impossibility of language to perfectly transmit the speaker's intents to the listener's ears. In other words, the words we speak don’t’ contain meaning; rather, meaning is inferred from a system of socially constructed rules. For example, speakers of English all agree that the word "tree" refers to a class of plants with bark, leaves, and branches--but nothing in the word "tree" gives that away. In fact, when I say "tree" I might be thinking of a sequoia, but you might be thinking of a bonsai. And that difference could make a world of difference: "watch out, the tree is falling!" If I thought you meant the bonsai I would be less alarmed than if I thought you meant the redwood. That is a simple example, but more complex examples are easily found in our daily conversations. The following story is a good example.

Once gave a friend an old computer of mine with a broken screen. She fixed the screen and used it for a long time, several years. Then she decided to get a new computer, and so I asked for it back. But when she was shopping for a new computer she had included money she thought she could gain from selling it into her budget. This much of the story illustrates how various socially constructed conceptions of "gift" can be interpreted differently and can lead to potential squabbles. In this situation, however, my friend and I already came to the situation with the preconceived notion that the other person had good motives. (Assuming good motives on the part of the other always the best move.) What could have been a falling-out turned into nothing at all.

The story continues with a text message conversation (the fact that we were texting increased the potential for misunderstanding, but that is a complicated and digressive subject). In that texting conversation I said something I shouldn't have, "Maybe I do want it back... am I an indian giver?"

Her response: "your racist".

I felt sick. I'm supposed to know better, I have a master's degree in English, for crying out loud! I felt guilty. But as people often do, I covered my guilt with indignation. How dare she call me a racist! And how dare she call me a racist with improper grammar! I wasn't livid, but I was a little worked up and embarrassed... especially because this is a person whose opinion means a lot to me. So I brainstormed, edited, and re-edited several responses:

"my racist what?" Intended to mock her poor grammar. Mean, I know!

"did you see that seinfeld episode?" Referring to the Seinfeld episode where Jerry dates an American Indian and can't avoid calling her an "indian giver." This response would have been meant to imply that I was joking in my response and that she clearly missed the joke. This was, of course, a lie and so my OCD wouldn't let me go through with it.

"guess I'm not perfect" A martyr's route intended to make her feel bad for my mistake.

"sorry to offend" Too short, sounds mocking.

"I'm sorry to have offended you, but I hope you know me well enough that a slip of my tongue doesn't betray a racist heart." So close. But let's change the word betray:

result from? indicate? connote? denote? bespeak? symptomatic of? reflect? Yes, reflect. And while we're at it, let's change the word "heart," sounds too cheesy. And and in a "to know." The result:

"I'm sorry to have offended you, but I hope you know me well enough to know that a slip of my tongue doesn't reflect a racist attitude."

Did I obsess?

Yes.

Absolutely.

But I'm glad I did because her response was priceless: "i was totally joking." Was I relieved I took the time to craft a well-worded response! (The irony of the situation is, of course, that I just prided myself on assuming good motives but I failed to in this situation.)

The moral of the story: the complexities language cause real problems, but the careful use of language can minimize those problems.

In that undergraduate class, years ago, we focused on the problems of language: but I soon grew tired of this. Because the more I thought about language, the more I was convinced that the vast majority of the time language works. People fall in love. Bridges are built. Airplane tickets are bought. People's eyes are cut open, sewed back together and then they can see again even better than before... and all this because of the fact that language accomplishes something most of the time.